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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27140974">xvii; New Universe, New Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theo_Thaur/pseuds/Theo_Thaur'>Theo_Thaur</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>31 Days of TUA Whump [17]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Episode: s02e05 Valhalla, F/F, Gen, Period Typical Attitudes, Period-Typical Homophobia, Protective Vanya Hargreeves, Vanya Hargreeves Deserves Better, Whumptober 2020, this was just going to be about internalized homophobia but it grew a plot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:07:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,326</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27140974</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theo_Thaur/pseuds/Theo_Thaur</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Whumptober 2020 submission. No 17. "I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING": Blackmail, Dirty Secret, Wrongfully Accused.<br/>-----<br/>Left on her own to reconcile with feelings she doesn't understand, Vanya attempts to flee the farm and go a path separate from the Coopers, and separate from the other Hargreeves.</p><p>(AU: In true S1 fashion, Vanya isn't invited to the emergency family meeting and does not go to the hair salon with Allison and Klaus. Diverges during S2 EP 5.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harlan Cooper &amp; Vanya Hargreeves, Sissy Cooper &amp; Vanya Hargreeves, Sissy Cooper/Vanya Hargreeves</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>31 Days of TUA Whump [17]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1951234</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>xvii; New Universe, New Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TRIGGERS: Mentions/implications of internalized homophobia, actual homophobia, homophobic slurs, somewhat implied domestic abuse, blackmail.</p><p>Note: Italicized diologue is taken from the show.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>xvii; New Universe, New Me</em>
</p><p>      For the past month, Vanya had tried to be as little of a burden as possible. She'd done everything she possibly could right --learning to tend the cows, getting up early for the chickens, doing maintenance around the farm… She didn't mind the work, but she had felt like an intruder. Vanya depended on Sissy's goodwill --and guilt for hitting her with a car--, to stay, but she had never intended to live there forever. Carl had felt the same, Vanya knew because he was the one taking the pains of sending in and paying for advertisements in the paper. He didn't make it subtle either, and asked her during almost every breakfast for updates. She wanted to get out of their hair, and was certain that her presence was encroaching on their life. </p><p>      But even so, there were things Vanya knew she'd miss. A lot of little things. Like how Sissy always put down Vanya's favorite marmalade in front of her on the kitchen table. How when reading children's books Harlan might twirl around or drum his palms on his lap with excitement. She liked listening to records on quiet nights, or sitting down on the couch beside Sissy, only somewhat watching the television show Harlan was immersed in. It wasn't perfect, and she had nothing to compare it to, really, but, there were times Vanya almost forgot she was still looking for her 'real' home. Carl usually interrupted those times fairly quickly with some reminder, and it was fair for him to do that, but still difficult to hear. Vanya had idly wondered, if Carl weren't there, if the advertisements in the paper were never answered… would she just stay there, on the farm, with Sissy forever? The concept made her feel just a little lighter, but she kept it to herself, because she knew it was selfish to think about it. Vanya much preferred making herself too uncomfortable to seriously think about staying.</p><p> </p><p>------*´｡*ﾟ</p><p> </p><p>      Meeting two of her apparently <em>seven</em> siblings brought more information than she was ready for. There was an apocalypse in six days to think about, as well as one that they'd ran from, which she had no memory of. Five had told her in a diner that it had been just an asteroid in twenty nineteen, but it was more than that. Luther had filled in more, she'd heard what she needed to -- that she'd been angry and blown up the moon. Five had never been planning to tell her. There was much more happening than she could explain, but Vanya also knew she was being chased by men with guns. When she'd been scared, a powerful burst of energy had sent them away. She worried for Harlan, for Sissy. It was too much to ask Sissy to run away with her, she was a danger to the life that had been built before she'd shown up. Vanya couldn't bear waiting until Five decided he needed her, she wouldn't accept it from the boy that had lied to her. Vanya wouldn't just come running from the <em>life</em> she knew when he told her to.</p><p>      Unfortunately, she also knew that she shouldn't stay on the farm. If she did, there was a chance those men might come back. Five could've lied to her about that too, but he <em>had</em> said the mafia group would be back. The farm wasn't far from that cornfield, there was a chance they already knew where she was. The most significant thing Vanya knew about her past, was that she'd destroyed the world. She would never forgive herself if she let the people she loved most be destroyed in this timeline. She would choose not to risk it one hundred times over, she would always run to preserve that life.</p><p>      Vanya didn't leave right away. She spent the remainder of the day's light out in the fields mostly, checking in on Harlan periodically and reflecting on the conversation with Five. She decided she preferred to be by herself, if she was suddenly approached by those men, she'd prefer it to happen out in the field. Less crossfire that way. It didn't take very much time to decide what preparations needed to be made. She had very little, not much more than clothes and a small stipend she'd been given in addition to free room and board --Vanya had thought it generous of Sissy, although it was equally likely it was of Carl's creation, to encourage her to leave. If anything, staying the day was just a way to buy herself a little extra time to say goodbye to the meadows, and the barn where Sissy and her had hidden away. With Harlan, she put on a familiar record and stared at the window. Harlan had known something was wrong, tapping her on the arm and holding a gaze. Vanya had tried to not seem so downcast, for him. In the barn, she'd stood against the tall beams and written a short letter for Sissy, thinking over every word and missing dinner. That happened sometimes with farm work, it wasn't too uncommon. She wasn't hungry, but knew Sissy had still put her portion in the fridge. Sissy had done the same for Carl when he worked late, it wasn't special.</p><p> </p><p>      <span class="u">Dear Sissy,</span></p><p>
  <span class="u">      I'm sorry for writing you a goodbye instead of telling you, but I can't bring myself to tell you and I'd feel worse leaving without a word. By the time you see this, I'll have left. It's for the better. When I called you today I mentioned that I'd found my brother, and now I'm going to leave Dallas with him. I know this is sudden. We're going overseas, I can't give you an address, but I know that the kind of money it would take to even try to call each other would be astronomical. I heard about a local culinary contest on the radio, maybe you should give it a try? Or really, do anything that would make you happy. You deserve hobbies. But please re-read James and the Giant Peach for Harlan. I promised him I would. </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">--Vanya.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>      She didn't want to lie, but she'd made up the part about going overseas so that Sissy wouldn't wonder why she hadn't called, and so that Sissy wouldn't try to look for her. Vanya had attempted to keep it as friendly as possible, but she didn't know where the line was between friendly and romantic. It was hard to tell. Sissy wouldn't want her running away like this. They'd spoken about it already in the kitchen just the other day, when Sissy had promised they could go somewhere else, that Carl wouldn't even have to know. But this wasn't Sissy's choice to make. There was so much Vanya couldn't say. Running off with her had always been a pipe dream, the kind of thing that lonely people fantasize about, taking comfort in meaningless promises.   </p><p> </p><p>    <em>  "You know yesterday when you were talking about us running away? What if we could?"</em></p><p>
  <em>      "Where would we go?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>      "Somewhere safe for Harlan and… where we could be together like this, all the time."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>      "I'd go there right now."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>      It had been easier to say things like that, with Carl in Waco. The brandy had been wearing off and the afterglow had fallen away, but somehow it felt right. Warm, with fresh coffee. Sunlight. The faint smell of Sissy's perfume caught in the soft orange bed sheets. Tangled legs. Fluffy pillows under their heads.</p><p>      Sissy had made her choice when she'd decided to spend the day out with Carl, following his success in closing a deal for <em>Waterton Showers and Shower Accessories Limited</em>. That morning in Sissy's marriage bed had meant nothing, those promises were empty. Vanya loved her, but she didn't want to be lied to and then given attention on a whim. Sissy had made it clear then and there that she had a family, that her family was with Harlan and Carl. And not her, because she had just been a plaything, a friend to talk to. Sissy could've been nothing more than a lonely woman, one Vanya had decided to see a lover in. Perhaps Vanya had forced the whole thing. It wouldn't be the first time Vanya realized in the aftermath of something, that it was all her fault. She knew since that moment in the kitchen that she was making everything more complicated by trying to drag it out and stay anyway. Vanya blamed herself for the fight between Carl and Sissy in the kitchen, in front of Harlan. She was driving a wedge into the family when she wasn't even supposed to be there. It was best to remove herself from what had probably once been a good thing. Vanya had never seen in Carl a perfect man, but he was honest, and he provided for the family. Carl had never endangered Harlan or Sissy, and if she loved Harlan and Sissy like she claimed to, she'd leave. </p><p>      Vanya made her bed, which she'd been granted to her upon her arrival. It would probably become a children's room soon, after she left and the bed once again grew empty. One last vacant room was the only thing the Coopers needed to form their perfect nuclear family. Vanya left her note face up on the bed. She wasn't worried about Carl finding it, because Carl never cleaned around the house and didn't tend to be involved much in the farm. </p><p>      Vanya had her things piled up into a simple canvas bag, which she slung over her shoulder. Thoughtful as always, she left a few dollars on the bed to cover the cost of the bag, even though she couldn't repay Sissy for all the extra clothes she'd been bought. Most nights Sissy retired to bed early, the sun was going down and Vanya knew she had the best chance of leaving then and there. It was safer for her to leave in the morning, but she was just worried Sissy would be up early too and they'd have to see each other. Even if Sissy didn't catch on, that would've made her unravel. Vanya didn't want to give any time for things to heal up between them, it was better to leave with the harsh words during breakfast as the last thing on her mind. Sissy may never truly reciprocate her feelings --even if she acted like she did--, but Sissy was still a good woman that deserved to be treated well. Vanya quietly opened the door of her room, moving down the hallway only to see Sissy in the kitchen. She wore a long pale yellow dress, a nightgown. Their gazes met, and Vanya watched as Sissy's eyes dipped down to note the bag in her hands. Only then did she make any effort to look like she wanted to talk, pulling away from the sink, looking hurt.</p><p>      "Vanya, I'm sorry for what happened at breakfast. You know I didn't mean that, you're family to me," she said, stepping closer. Her face was too soft, too kind. Wearing expressions like that, it only made Vanya think of that morning together. Their only morning spent that painfully beautiful way. She didn't want to hear this right now, but Sissy was smart, Sissy knew what Vanya was doing, holding a bag of clothes and looking grim. If only Vanya felt like she could listen. Sissy just succeeded in making this harder on both of them. Part of Vanya wanted to say nothing and just keep moving. It probably would've been easier that way, but she couldn't do that, especially not knowing that Sissy probably blamed herself for Vanya's choice to suddenly leave, because of the harsh words between them.</p><p>      "I know. And, this," Vanya sighed, "...this isn't your fault. I have my own reasons for leaving." Did she believe Sissy was sorry? Vanya believed that Sissy regretted what she said, but that didn't make the words any less correct, or the revelation Vanya had gotten any less true. It was still better for the family if she broke ties, in terms of their safety as well as with the delicate relationships in the Cooper household. Vanya didn't need to make destroying everything she touched a pattern, she didn't want it to be that way. This was a preventative measure.</p><p>      "Can we talk about this in the morning?" Sissy asked, lamplight glowing across her face. She seemed hopeful, but also concerned. The morning was too far away. The longer she spent there, the less safe the farm was, and the harder it would be to leave. Vanya opened her mouth to say something, beginning to shake her head.</p><p>      <em>"Sissy! What happened to that beer, girl?"</em> Carl walked into the kitchen, wearing nothing but his drawers. <em>"Oh shit,"</em> he said<em>, "you caught me naked as a jaybird,"</em> Carl remarked, looking over at Vanya as he approached the fridge. Opening the door and rustling through it, he added, <em>"I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later. That's alright. You're part of the family."</em> There was wine on the table. Vanya should've guessed something like that was going on, Sissy never cooked or did housework in her nightgown, and it was late for her to still be awake. Carl swigged his beer, running a hand through Sissy's hair.</p><p>      "Not anymore, she isn't," Sissy said, never taking her eyes off of Vanya's. Carl froze, seeming briefly surprised.</p><p>      "That so? What happened?" he asked, regaining his cool and leaning against the counter. Vanya shrugged. She hadn't been planning to be put on the spot like this. </p><p>      "I... found my family. My <em>real</em> family," she answered meekly. He set his beer down, regarding her with an increasingly suspicious look.</p><p>      "Well that's convenient, isn't it?" Carl made a forced laugh, drawing his arms closer to himself, moving away from the support of the counter. "I mean, you've gone a whole month practically, ads running in the paper this whole time, and <em>now</em> your family's out there? Isn't that strange Sissy?" he asked, turning suddenly to her. Sissy seemed just as surprised and unsure of what to say as Vanya. Vanya struggled to make sense of what was happening, she would've thought Carl would be happy to see the back of her.</p><p>      "I don't think so…" Sissy answered in an uncertain tone. "Family isn't <em>perfect</em>, but they do always stick together. In the end," her voice became a little more certain, but only as she looked to Vanya.</p><p>      "Oh, this isn't about perfect," Carl said, setting his elbows down on the counter, leaning down to be eye level with Vanya. "God knows I'm not perfect. What happens under my roof is rarely perfect. But this is about right and wrong." </p><p>      Sissy touched his back, with a gentle expression. "Hun, I don't see what you're gettin' at with--" </p><p>      "I haven't said my piece," he hissed, rising up quickly, and turning on his heel. He raised a hand to her face, and Sissy flinched, but Carl kept himself from hurting her. He turned his attention back to Vanya. "I was talking to my brother Jerry. He works with the state troopers. Thought I'd ask around on your behalf, speed up this process a little. Well, Jerry told me he couldn't find anything about you, down at the station. So he asked one of his friends." Carl took a sip of beer, smirking. "Why, before you know it, there's a whole host of government workers all scratching their heads, because they can't find a Vanya Hargreeves anywhere." Sissy brought a hand to her chest, taking a step back from both of them. Vanya shook her head, trying to split her attention between Carl and Sissy, pleading with Carl to stop and trying to silently convey that she could explain to Sissy. "Now I consider myself a very tolerant man. I may not even be the brightest, but I know people don't come outta nowhere. Tell me <em>Vanya</em>, what do you know about the Russian government? About the lavender scare?"</p><p>      Vanya shook her head, "you don't understand, I… it's so much more complicated, please, I…" Carl stared at her, letting her trail off as she fumbled for words. </p><p>      "Thought so," he stood. "Now if I was leaving --which as a family man, I would never do--, I might think to leave a note." Carl paced around the kitchen, abandoning his beer. "No note here!" he declared, before moving down the hallway, as they both watched. "What about…" he edged open the door of her former room. Vanya had to fight herself not to object, but was too late, he'd seen her lean forward as if to speak. Carl grinned, disappearing into her bedroom, and reappearing with a note pinched between his fingers. He scanned it in front of them. "Bit of a traveller, got some roots outside of Texas? Overseas, even," he shook his head, as if amused. He looked up from the note. "You couldn't have made it more obvious. This won't look too good for you, Vanya. Can't say I'm surprised." She'd only made up the lie about family abroad so that Sissy wouldn't think they could stay in touch after she left.</p><p>      "There has to be some misunderstanding here," Sissy said, looking between the two of them, appalled. Just then, a door creaked open. Harlan. He stood at the threshold, in his night clothes. Harlan rubbed at his eyes, quietly looking between them. </p><p>      "There's no misunderstanding," Carl asserted. Sissy rushed over to Harlan's side, to protect him from the fighting, or maybe from Vanya herself --Vanya couldn't say which. </p><p>      "I'd called for Jerry and his boys to come pick you up, actually. Tonight. But you already knew that, the Russkies let you in on it," Carl laughed, heading into the kitchen, before taking a swig of beer. "Commies didn't tell you in time, sweetheart. They'll be here soon. Wasn't expecting it to be so… public when they took you, but, it is what it is. You can run, don't think you can very well hide out here. Nothin' but corn and pastures. Won't do much good against guns." </p><p>      Something seemed to catch Carl's eye, perhaps something occurred to him that hadn't before. "...With a little perspective, you know some things look different. I don't want to be forced to recount everything I've seen in a new light, 'specially not what happened after the convention in Waco." Vanya's heart hammered in her chest. "Some things… some <em>delicate</em> things, shouldn't be taped or discussed. I don't wanna taint the boy even worse, but you two know," he looked between Vanya and Sissy. "I'd thought you were both having a sleepover like gals do!" he laughed. "But now I see it's different. I'm not trying to incriminate my wife, I know she's a true American that's made some mistakes. I can make this note of yours, Vanya, go away. But Harlan has to go with it. He needs to be institutionalized at least until everything calms down here." Things couldn't be worse. in trying to fix everything, she'd endangered Sissy and Harlan, the two people she'd sworn to protect. It made Vanya angry that Carl talked about Harlan as if he weren't there. "Of course, in the event that we've reached a problem and you decide to keep Harlan and let the note get out, I'm filing for divorce. It's my patriotic duty, and I can't have anyone suspecting anything of me for marrying a dyke. You can understand that, can't you Sissy? 'Course if you agree to my terms, you'd never get to visit your boy, since visits would be on my good graces, and I wouldn't ever be feeling very grateful." Sissy cupped a hand over her mouth, a tear running down her cheek.</p><p>How Vanya wanted nothing more than to console her, or turn back the clock.</p>
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